


Subtextually Speaking

by Fatale (femme)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Happy Ending, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 20:12:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13279032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femme/pseuds/Fatale
Summary: Later, when Alec’s getting ready for bed, pulling on cotton sweatpants and a slouchy green top, pilled and nubby from repeated washings, he gets a message from Magnus that he’s home, he’s ok, and Alec should get some rest. It’s generic and impersonal, and not like Magnus at all.Alec’s stomach clenches in reflexive fear.It’s just nerves, he’s acting crazy.





	Subtextually Speaking

**Author's Note:**

> * Yes, I made that word up (actually, a few of them).  
> * I'm aware I'm going to catch shit for this fic. I'm basically writing Id fic at this time. *shrugs*

 

Alec texts Magnus every morning that they don’t wake up together. It’s become a habit on the rare occasion that work keeps him at the Institute overnight, or in this case, three to four nights. It sucks, but he’s known he’d have to catch up with the never-ending stacks of paperwork at some time and his plan is to work around the clock for the next few days so he can spend his birthday in his favorite place - Magnus’ bed, hopefully getting laid.

He doesn’t hear back from Magnus for the rest of the day, no big deal. Magnus usually finds time to text back, but he gets busy. His talents are in high demand. The sixth time Alec checks his phone, Jace cracks a joke about Alec acting like a lovesick girl, which is just sexist and offensive and untrue--but.

Alec glares at him as Izzy smacks his arm, and Jace has the good grace to look at least a little sorry, but the damage is already done. Alec can’t stop thinking about how he asks Magnus for help. Like, a lot. Honestly, he tries to handle problems on his own, but when lives are on the line, he always seems to be begging Magnus for assistance. It doesn’t help that Magnus never seems to mind, half of the time offers it before Alec even has a chance to ask.

He takes a break to spar with Jace, kicks his ass, and feels marginally better.

Later, when Alec’s getting ready for bed, pulling on cotton sweatpants and a slouchy green top, pilled and nubby from repeated washings, he gets a message from Magnus that he’s home, he’s ok, and Alec should get some rest. It’s generic and impersonal, and not like Magnus at all. The last time Magnus brushed him off this badly, he was body-swapped with Valentine and Alec ended up accidentally torturing him.

Alec’s stomach clenches in reflexive fear.

It’s just nerves, he’s acting crazy, Alec tells himself, and forces himself to go to bed, not to race to Magnus’ side and ask what’s wrong, demand Magnus prove his identity, apologize for whatever he’s done. That’s something someone _clingy_ would do.

He tosses and turns, finally dropping off into an uneasy sleep.

 

\---

 

Alec’s resolve lasts through breakfast.

Magnus is worldly and glamorous, and this morning Alec couldn’t find a clean bowl for his cereal, so he cut off the top of the box, folded the plastic lining over the sides and poured the milk directly onto the cereal. Jace had given him a thoughtful look and an appreciative thumbs up, while Izzy had rolled her eyes and looked quietly appalled.

Alec eats silently, shoulders hunched. Nearly twenty years on the earth following Jace’s earth-shatteringly stupid ideas have taught Alec a couple of things: culottes really only look good on women and anything Jace thinks is a good idea usually isn’t.

After shooting Magnus a quick text to let him know he’s on his way, Alec heads over to see Magnus.

At the apartment’s door, Alec can’t shove down the feeling he should be knocking. They haven’t thrown a housewarming party or anything, but more than half of Alec’s clothes are here -- a small slice of depressing black tucked into Magnus’ more colorful and luxurious fare. His shoes are by the bed, a few pairs of scuffed boots for work, less scuffed boots for dressy occasions; there’s scorch marks on the ceiling from when Alec had tried to fry a whole duck as an homage to Magnus’ native cuisine. Turns out cooking oil and hand towels are a bad combination, and ducks are weirdly flammable.

Alec opens the door and steps into the apartment that has gradually and unwittingly become his home.

“Alexander!” Magnus says, coming out of the bedroom. “I didn’t think you were going to be here today.”

Alec had prepared a speech about how he loves Magnus and anything that’s wrong between them can be fixed. Especially if Magnus has been body swapped again. Alec’s kind of ashamed to admit he almost welcomes it. He can definitely do something about that.

But Magnus is twitching slightly, looking back over his shoulder and Alec gets the distinctly uncomfortable feeling that Magnus is trying to get rid of him. “I thought you had tons of work to do for the next few days.”

“I do, I just wanted to see you,” Alec says.

“Well, here I am,” Magnus says, spreading his arms. He leans up, kisses Alec briefly on the lips, a dry peck like the one Alec gives his grandma every Christmas when he sees her. “I’m fine and you should probably go back and finish up so we can celebrate later.”

“I--yeah,” Alec says, the prospect of dusty stacks of paperwork far less appealing than staying here, laying around with Magnus and watching his mundane tv. But Magnus wants him to go, so he’ll go, Alec thinks, trying not to feel crushed. Magnus has always had an exciting life before Alec and he’s clearly tired of Alec dragging him down. Izzy and Jace had laughingly called him _grandpa_ before, just because he preferred staying in and reading a book to going clubbing and trying to make awkward conversation with beautiful women who didn’t interest him.

“So, I’ll -- see you,” Alec says, and doesn’t add ‘around’ because it feels too much like goodbye.

 

\---

 

Alec texts Magnus after he gets up and again before he goes to bed. He doesn’t really expect a response, but Magnus answers back each time a few minutes later. Usually something benign and distracted, but it’s better than being ignored. Alec has spent the better part of his life being an afterthought, so it doesn’t hurt as much as it probably should. He’s just grateful Magnus hasn’t dumped him yet.

Every day that Magnus doesn’t break up with him is a day Alec can fix what’s gone so terribly wrong between them.

 

\---

 

He buys a bunch of different shirts, all bright colors and patterns he thinks Magnus might like to see him in. Washes them, turns them all a funny splotchy brown.

He’s sitting on his bed, clutching his hideous pile of clothes and trying not to feel too sorry for himself, when Jace sits down next to him.

“Washed them all together, huh?”

“You’re not supposed to?” Alec asks, which is a stupid question because clearly you’re not. He’s got an entire load of smudgy shirts to attest to this fact. If you weren’t supposed to separate them, everybody would be in shirts that looked like Hershey bars and finger paints puked all over them.

“I think you’re supposed to put similar colors together?” Jace shrugs. “That’s what Clary told me.”

Alec doesn’t know why he’s taking advice from Jace. He dresses better than Alec, true, but only _barely_. He _also has dress boots_.

Jace pokes Alec’s sad pile of clothes. “Come on, brother,” he says standing up and holding a hand out. “We’re two reasonably intelligent grown men, we can figure this out together.”

Alec takes his hand, lets Jace pull him up. He knows he’s heard these exact same words before from Jace and he’s pretty sure the last time, he got stabbed. Against his better judgment, he says, “Okay.”

 

\---

 

“I don’t know what went wrong,” Jace says, staring sadly at the three piles of clothes they’ve ruined. “So we tried cold water, warm water, tried separating the colors, putting all the colors together to see if we could make them all gray.”

“What are you idiots up to?” Izzy asks from the door.

“Nothing,” Alec lies. He probably should have asked for her help from the start, but the sheer amount of shit he’ll take for letting Jace help makes him feel slightly nauseous. He’ll deserve it, but still.

Izzy pushes her way past Jace and holds up one of the offending shirts. When she sees it, she throws her head back and laughs. Alec has to suppress his own reflexive smile. He can’t help it; he likes seeing Izzy happy, even if it’s at his own expense.

“So what did we do wrong?” Jace asks.

Izzy shrugs, still smiling. “How the hell should I know? I get all my clothes dry-cleaned.”

Alec ruined a few hundred dollars worth of clothes, but it’s nice--the three of them together. And he hasn’t thought about Magnus, or the sick worry that’s taken up permanent residence in his gut, for the last few hours.

Alec lets out a breath. Even if Magnus dumps him, at least he still has this.

 

\---

 

Alec flies through paperwork, heartsickness apparently doing wonderful things for his efficiency. If only he could put together a PowerPoint for Magnus about all his good qualities and why Magnus should not break up with him. He briefly considers and then discards the concept. Depressingly, he can’t think of enough to fill up one slide.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. Alec pulls it out and is surprised to see it’s from Magnus. The past few days, he’d gotten used to their two text a day habit. He scans over the text, heartbeat ratcheting up a notch in his chest. Magnus is in trouble and needs his help. If nothing else, he can do this for Magnus.

 

\---

 

He briefly explains the situation to Izzy and Jace as he’s grabbing weapons and he’s gratified to see they do the same, no questions asked, content to follow his lead. That’s been one of the biggest changes the past year and the one he’d worried about the most. Would he be able to lead when he’s spent his entire life following? Surprisingly, it comes naturally to him and only in the privacy of his own mind, he can admit that he’s good at it. Enjoys being in charge, the pleasure of helping people, keeping them safe.

 

They walk the few short blocks to the abandoned warehouse. Jace scouts first, giving them the all clear before Izzy goes in and Alec follows, scanning for danger. When he gets to the open door, it’s quiet and pitch-black.

Before he can grab his witchlight, the overhead lights switch on, momentarily blinding him. People yell surprise, and Alec blinks, looking around. The warehouse is filled with faces that it takes him a few minutes to realize he knows, while they look expectant and happy and increasingly concerned as Alec blinks at them. He sees a huge cake, decorations, tables, food.

To his left, Jace coughs, “It’s your surprise birthday party, stupid.”

Front and center, is Magnus, beaming, and holding two champagne flutes.

He doesn’t look distracted, like he wants Alec to leave him alone; his eyes are bright, shining, and he’s honestly so beautiful that he steals Alec’s breath. “This is for me?”

He hands a glass to Alec. “Happy birthday, Alexander.”

“How’d you do all this?”

Magnus laughs easily. “Did you have any idea how much work this was? How much planning went into getting the venue, the food, the band, everyone who loves you together?“

No, he hadn’t, but looking around, Alec can imagine. It’s beautiful, green and gold, with fairy lights twinkling overhead. It’s an exhausting amount of work, especially in the few days Magnus has been unreachable and distant. The place is packed, with friends and family, downworlders and shadowhunters. _People who love you_.

“But you’re worth it,” Magnus says. And Alec doesn’t know what he was going to say, probably thank Magnus, but it wouldn’t be enough. No one has ever gone to this much trouble for him, no one has loved him quite this way. His family -- they have to, but for Magnus to choose him the same way Alec’s chosen him -- it’s honestly too much.

He grabs Magnus and kisses him, open mouthed and deep. A few of the older guests titter uncomfortably, but Alec ignores them, doesn’t give a flying fuck what they think, as long as he has this, Magnus, in his arms. He says _thank you_ with kisses, cups Magnus’ jaw carefully with trembling hands, pressing _I love you_ into his mouth, over and over again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come to my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/unrestrainedlyexcessive), give me prompts if you're so inclined.


End file.
